Who Needs Enemies? by Tony Kinsella

I friended her on Facebook

At her request

A socially distant cousin I clutched to my bosom

In the spirit of the Good Samaritan

A party guest

On a quest to embarrass

And plumb unfathomable depths


I invited her

Ignited her inflammatory doggerel

Linked her into my Jacob Marley’s chain of fools

Built her a platform

For her splatter-gun splutter of freeform bigotry

Caught her in my holding network

And set her free to wash her filthy laundry in a public feed

Dishing the dirt and counting headless chickens

Before they were sub-edited

A mutual friend more dickhead than Dickens


Boringly moronic

If she’s got a blacklist I want to be on it


A slithering sluice of cheap abuse

And blinkered views and bitterness

I marked her score card as she made the cut

Each cancerous mantra of bad-natured banter


‘I’m not a racialist but …’


Three days ago we were perfect strangers

Now I bathe in warm nostalgia for last Tuesday

And press delete

Fantasising that it’s the nuclear button